Monday, July 14, 2014

Discouragement. It's a real thing...

So… hey.  I’ve gone MIA for a while and I really have no excuse, tbh. Life has gotten in the way and my health and my blog have gone on the back burner. Discouragement sucks. So… lets re-cap.
I will NOT hit my #30by30 goal this year. I think I may have hit it… the other way around.  Which is disappointing. And #31by31 isn’t really that motivational… since I’ll have OVER a year to accomplish it… I’ll turn 30 on the 26th of this month. I doubt we’ll be celebrating, so there’s not much to look forward to since I won’t be hitting that goal. My high school bestie was here last week for a couple of days, which was present enough since its such a long way from her home.  My local bestie is moving the day of my birthday, so I’ll probably be packing a u-haul and crying most of the day.  Age is just a number, and it’s never really bothered me, so it’s not like I’m dreading it or anything. My mom usually forgets my birthday, so I won’t hold my breath for that, and my honey has been thinking real hard… but since I don’t have many friends, it’s pretty tough to do much. I’m just happy to reach one more milestone in my life since there are so many people who don’t get that chance.
I’ve taken a hiatus from working out, eating right, and all things healthy.  It just happened. Family reunions and camping, holidays, and work just didn’t keep me motivated. I KNOW what I have to do, but doing it is a whole other thing. I get discouraged very easily and while I know nothing can change until I absolutely make the change, something’s gotta give.  I stepped on the scale for the  first time in… well, forever… and my number is the highest its ever been. Ugh. I’m so disgusted with myself. But mentally, I’m just not there. 
So how do I get there? What do you do to “get motivated” and stay that way? I don’t want to be fat. But I also don’t want to starve.  I love food.  It’s my addiction.  I hate being sweaty. Working out is hard. But I know it has to be done to do anything about the way I look and feel. Why are we always so consumed with an easy fix? Why don’t want we ever want to work hard for stuff like that? I’ll be completely honest.  I’m always looking for the next best thing to help me in my weight loss journey. I’m not above trying drinks, shakes, pills… you name it, I’ve probably done it.  And it works for me for a while.  It’s like I need it to give me a shove and to make me think, “I can do this…” I know, I know… hard work, determination, and accountability are the only things that are going to work. Blah, blah… I just want it to be easy dammit. Why can’t it be easier?
                Maybe I’m just lazy.  I work hard at everything else in my life, so why not at trying to lose weight and be healthy? I hate the way I look, that I’m the largest person in my WHOLE family… so how am I not determined? And I can’t expect anyone else to hold me accountable if I can’t even hold myself accountable? What do you do to stay on track (or get back on track)? What has helped you the most to really get to it? What is the biggest thing that was your turning point?