Pile full of Mush...

So I'm home, sick today.  I hate being sick.  I feel like such a lazy ass when I'm ill. Normally I hit the floor running, work, pick kids up, fix dinner and my feet don't come off the floor until the kids are well in bed.  This week, nada. Darrell has been cooking and doing some cleaning, so I haven't felt quite stressed about that like normal, and I could feel myself coming down with whatever I've got here, and have tried to rest up and take my meds like clockwork to keep from it kicking my ass.  I didn't succeed.  I've full been down for two days now. Coughing, congestion, sore throat, body ache crapiness. Luckily (knock on wood) I haven't had any head congestion, so I can still breath, although, I thought my head would explode last night. Anyway, I've been a lazy ass this weekend and it's killing me.  I keep laying here, feeling my ass get bigger by the second, but CAN NOT seem to get up and do anything.  When I do get up (bathroom or water) by the time I'm back to the bed, I'm worn out. Hoping today is the very bottom so that I can get back on track this week. 
Darrell is still looking for a job.  He had an interview Friday evening, and while they liked him, the job was for Tulsa (not what the listing was for). So, it's basically a no-go. He is waiting to hear back from another place today.  They were worried about him not wanting to stay long since he's coming off of a higher ranking/paying position at the Waffle. Making these people realize that he understands that he will be going into a lower position with lower pay than what he made at the Waffle is so, so hard. We're still corssing our fingers, saying our prayers and filling out applications daily, looking for something before Christmas sneaks up on us too much.

TGIF

Its been a long past couple of days. Between me getting sick, my honey job hunting, and well, kids, I’m whipped and so glad it’s Friday.

With Darrell being home right now, he’s been a lot of help.  He’s cooking dinner, cleaning house and running errands that my list-making-self keeps adding to him. I seriously would love to have a stay at home person, or even be one, but neither of us are lazy enough to do it.  It would drive me crazy to be with my kids so much. (Sorry, it's the truth) I’d get a ton of shit done during the day… and my house would almost always be clean. Almost. Poor Darrell is going stir crazy.  He’s never, not worked. But he’s filling out applications and visiting places daily. Hoping he can find something soon, before he goes too crazy.  We’re okay financially for now, but we’d also like to be able to have Christmas. Supposed to be able to talk to some hiring manager today, so cross your fingers for him!

I’m still not feeling up to par. Crapped out on doing yoga last night.  Came home, changed clothes and crawled in bed.  My honey made homemade chicken noodle soup, served me in bed, and tried to help keep the kiddos in line.  I got up to pick out clothes for them and to dose them (and myself) with cough meds, then back to bed it was.  Asleep by 8:30. WOW… I feel so old! Couldn’t drag myself out of bed to do yoga this morning either. Wish I could have, but I seriously feel terrible. Hoping a weekend of rest (NO KIDS!!) will help me mend.

While I’m here, I just want to give a shout out to the Muldrow Piggly Wiggly for trying to make things better with Ayden’s birthday cake.  Bryan, (owner? Manager?) had taken the time out to make sure that we were refunded for the original cake and then also made sure that the cake we wanted actually got to us.  While we don’t have anything we need the cake for, I accepted his efforts, and now have ANOTHER cake to consume.  My ass thanks him… They also made cupcakes for Ayden’s class to try to make it up to him as well… This looks much better than their original attempt at the cake. Thanks Bryan! 

Hope everyone has a great and restful weekend! Enjoy it!

Back in the Saddle

So... I'm proud of myself. I got in the floor lat night and I did yoga again.  I feel like a beginner again, but I did it.  And I slept like a baby (other than the occasional night sweat that I'm getting used to). I got up this morning and did it again, although, not as well as last night.
I don't quite understand it, really. I  would think that after a good nights rest, I'd be more able to do the yoga moves.  Not true. I snap, crackle and pop like I've been stowed away in a box for a year or two. I was afraid I'd wake Darrell with all my joint noise this morning! Oh well, its done, and I feel better about it.
I wish I felt better in general though.  Apparently I'm coming down with something. Chest is heavy, head is foggy and I've got a cough.  And it's a nasty one. Blah... Started a mucus/cough med, so I'm hoping it helps. If not, I'll be down for the count.  I don't get sick often, but when I do, I do it right! lol
For now, the two yoga sessions make me feel better about myself.  I'll shoot for a third tonight, and maybe a fourth tomorrow (if I'm not completely shot down with my sickness). Wish me luck y'all...

All of me...

Michael Buble is singing to me in my head as I make this post... Its a tough one to make.
Below, you'll find me.  All of me. I'm determined to make these pictures into "before" pictures of me that I (or any one that might actually read this) can refer back to and actually see the progress that I have made for myself. This is not who I want to be, or who I am going to stay. Here it is folks...

I'm shuddering as I let those look at me on the screen.  This is what I see daily, what I fight with in clothes, and what I want to fix. These are my motivation for making myself healthier and better.

I also took measurements as I said I would, They are as follows:
                                   Left            Right
Biceps                       14 1/4"        14"
Forearm                    10 1/2"        10 1/4"
Bust/Chest                       46 3/4"
Under Bust                       39"
Waist (smallest)               40"
Waist (bellybutton)         49"
Hips                                    52 1/4"
Thigh                       30 1/4"      30"

So there it is folks.  Me.  In pictures and numbers.  I posted my weight for today earlier.  Every Wednesday I'm going to weigh in. Once a month I'll take progress pics and measurements. From time to time I'll post Yoga pictures as I'm ready to start doing it again. I'm hoping that MissMunchy will get back with the challenge poses as well. It seemed to keep me motivated. And please, if you're reading this and I don't post, or don't do my weekly weigh in... PLEASE nudge me.  To know that I'm accountable to more than just myself seems to help too. Until then... Here goes nothing!

Weigh in Wednesday

There it is... My weight. Out there for everyone to see. *sigh* its higher than it has been... But seems to be what I keep hovering around. Over, and over, and over.
I guess I couldn't expect much more. (Or less, rather) I quit working out of any kind, I quit keeping up with my calorie intake, I just quit doing. 
But I'm changing it. Hopefully. I'm doing yoga tonight. Hopefully everynight. Plan is to walk in the mornings. That's the plan.
I'll post before pics later today from a real computer. You can see exactly what I'm working with then.  Its a lot. :-/

Falling Off And Getting Back Up

So like I said in my last post, I've fallen off the get-fit bandwagon... And I don't feel good about it at all. I've quit the yoga, I've not been walking, I've not done anything.  AND I'm eating terrible. I feel bleh... And I know exactly why. So why not get back on track you ask? Well... BECAUSE I feel bleh... I don't want to.  Have no drive, and am SOOO tired.  I don't know if its the time change, the lack of killing anything in black powder (hunting) season, or just how busy that (it feels like) I've been.  And quite frankly, everything is done. My honey is home all the time now (Thanks to his lack of a job), so theres no excuse as to why I'm not getting out to walk or attempt to run... I have no excuse, other than I'm tired.

Last weekend at the combined birthday for Ayden and Dave, I was standing in the kitchen with my grandmother and an Aunt, and my grandmother made the comment that she was wearing my mothers old jeans that were a size 18. Mom had given them to her because they were too big for her now.




*crickets*



Call me bitter if you'd like, but I felt like a knife had just been stuck in my gut... and it wasn't there to remove extra skin and fat. :-/ My MOTHER and GRANDMOTHER are both smaller than I am now. SMALLER. There is a 22 year difference in my mother and I, and a 51 year difference in my grandmother and I. I know, you're all thinking that I should relax, everyone is different, most older people lose weight and become skin and bones... blah, blah. No.  That's not it.  My mother has been big for the past 16+ years? And my grandmother has been large for... well... ever. Now grandma has always eaten right, been healthy other wise, even always stayed active to try to lose weight, but her metabolism is so off, that she can't loose.  She had gastric bypass surgery done about 6 months ago (the oldest patient her accredited doctor has ever worked on, btw) and while she's not losing as fast as most people, this has been what has contributed to her dropping from a size 24 to a size 18.
Smaller than me.
My mother... I'm not real sure what has helped her with her weight loss, but I know she's not working out or anything, but does have a protein shake every morning.

WTF? Isn't it supposed to be HARDER to lose weight with the older you get? So why are they doing it, and while I did nothing but eat right, and work out, I didn't loose a pound? I know that our weight is just a number, and I was toning (I did lose 5  inches), but it sure would be helpful to see that number drop. And while I sound very jaded about their progress, I am VERY proud of what they have achieved.  Don't get me wrong.

And after this weekends birthday pictures and the ONE video/picture that I got into... I need to be more motivated than ever. Seriously.

My sister is going through a divorce right now, and she's gained a bit of weight over the past year or so. It happens to the best of us.  However, I've been looking at her, feeling sorry for her becuase shes gotten so big. You see, my sister has always been very athletic. BAsketball, softball, yard work... and she had a bunch of physical jobs. So yeah, I feel bad. But I mostly felt bad because I thought she was larger than me.

She's not.  I just apparently have no perception of my size.  I honestly have had NO IDEA that I am as large as I am. I look at myself daily, I can see some of the progess I made last  month and I honestly felt good about myself.  until I saw this snapshot from the video of Ayden blowing out his candles.

That's my mom, me and my sister (They're not related, btw). I'm the biggest one out of the group. And the youngest. This. Is. Depressing.  Again, I'm not saying that I'm not proud of them.  I'm sick of me.
So tomrrow it should all end.  If I can get out of bed. I'm taking measurments and full body pics tonight. I'm POSTING them too. I'm GOING to be ACCOUNTABLE. Period.

Now wish me luck!

Sugar...

So it’s been a busy couple of weeks… and I fallen off my “get healthy” kick. :-/

First up… Halloween. I don’t have a damn picture of my boys dressed up. I don’t know what I was thinking, other than apparently I wasn’t. They went to Trunk or Treat at the church with my grandparents. They had a good time, brought home loads of candy and toys and ate hot dogs galore. I stayed home and handed out candy for the first time ever. Our first Halloween in our first home.

Second, Ayden’s birthday celebrations. We started on Sunday they 3^rd with a joint party for him and my cousins 18^th Birthday. Good food, good company and a good time had by all.  

Then of course he had to have cupcakes ON his birthday at school

and El Celaya for dinner that night.  Friday night I let him have a sleepover. It’s a general good rule of thumb that only 50% of people you invite to events show up.  So, I let him invite all 9 boys in his class.  All. But. ONE. Showed up. Seriously. 

Two cars to get everyone to the house, 6 pizzas, 3 Gallons of Kool-Aid, 4 bags of Popcorn (and a popcorn fight), 5 Movies, 12 biscuits, and two packages of Bacon and sausage later, I’m still alive! Most of the boys are to!

Saturday was cleanup and party prep time for his actual birthday party that counted. I proceeded to make the cookie dough that I forgot needed to sit over night, and 6 hours later, still had to add about 4 cups of flour to it to make cookies that, well, looked like cookies.

 

 My little brother and sister went to pick up the cake I had ordered a couple of weeks back.  O.M.G. I've never seen such an ugly cake as I have this one.  It was so bad that I was in tears... Don't believe me? Look!

Yeah, that's NOT what it's supposed to look like.  And because I'm trying to move past that whole meltdown... I'm not even gonna go into the story.  I'll just say that my cousin Tanya saved the day, last minute, and done an amazing job.  I don't know what I'd do without her... SERIOUSLY!

After the party was all over with, I had help with cleanup, and we crashed. Crashed hard.  Like, i didn't even want to make my boys take a shower cause it would mean I'd have to move to tell them that. lol Anyway, it's all over now.  Thank goodness... And I don't have any more (planned) partying to do until April when we start all over with Remington's birthday. 

However, in all of the middle of this, we got some bad news.  My honey lost his job.  It wasn't even over anything that made sense, but it's happened, and we're working on accepting it.  I hate that it happened right here in the middle of Ayden's birthday week, and right as the holidays are coming. We also had a trip planned to Branson that we won't be able to take now either. It was stupid.  And I hate it so much for him.  We were just getting on our feet after him moving in, and he was ahead on his bills (thankfully), and he LOVED that job. :( Finally off for the two major holidays, and now... nothing. He'll find something else soon.  And in the mean time, we're working on figuring out how to tell everyone. We decided to wait until after the birthday celebrations, as we didn't want that overshadowing Ayden's big days, not to mention, it's easier to tell one person at a time, than to be bombarded with everyone all at once. 

Keep us in your thoughts as we look for him another job and as I try to get back on the bandwagon...