Tuesday, April 1, 2014

I don't want to...

So... isn't it amazing how your whole outlook on something can change dramatically, in just the snap of a finger?

Seriously... I've kinda been on a high since seeing my before photos in January compared to my photos I did on Sunday.  I felt so good about myself and even though my progress from 3/17 to 3/30 wasn't that awesome. I had a renewed sense of "I can do this!" It's really not the most amazing progress, but for me, after going a whole month of the scale not moving at all, I needed to see *something*. I hit the ground running this weekend... Major outside work on Saturday, two walks on Sunday, and last night, I PUSH MOWED my back lawn. Really.  Who does that? But, I hit my daily goal in steps, I got my mileage in, I got some active minutes (even though it felt like an hour!). I've seen other peoples progress (go Brew Mama!) and I've been psyched about that I can do...

Today, I had decided to start the Two Week Oz Diet that Holly had posted about here... she did yet another post on it yesterday, and I thought, "I could do that!" I mean, I could do this for the next three weeks before we leave for Vegas. Really.  I'm already gluten and dairy free. The only thing that I'll be cutting back on now, is the meat.  I normally have meat with lunch and dinner, but I can do just dinner for three weeks. So... I started my day with the warm lemon water, I made my protein smoothie (minus the flax seed cause I don't have any) and loaded up all my veggies to take to work with me. I even laid the chicken out to thaw for dinner.  I'm set for the day, right? So, I posted my nice little IG picture

and went on my merry little way. I had a couple "likes" and a couple of comments asking about the Oz diet. Then I get a comment that just shoots it all out of the barrel. "...MORE restrictions??? I see a grumpy honey in my future...ijs" After defending my decision, the next comment was "Yup....I see arguments a plenty ahead" Seriously? THIS is how you support me on my "quest" to lose 30 pounds by my birthday? To lose 50 pounds by the end of the year?

Ugh... so now, my get-up is gone.  Just like that.  I don't care what I have for lunch.  I haven't tracked a stitch of food that has gone into my mouth today. And if I wouldn't have found out that my bank is all of a sudden overdrawn this morning (icing on the cake) then I would probably be eating a great big ol' greasy bacon cheeseburger like I've been dreaming that these celery sticks were for the past two weeks! I've even deleted the IF and FB picture post.

Seriously... When you already don't have but one supporter in this endeavor you're on, the last thing you need is for that supporter to call you out on crankiness and such because I'm trying to go farther into healthy than  I already was. I thought I was taking a step in the right direction.  And quite frankly, I had no idea that I was cranky. Now, don't get me wrong, I'll be the first to mention that I miss cheese, or that I'd kill for pizza, or french fries, or a greasy cheeseburger (with the bun, please)... but I don't make people not eat in front of me.  I don't yell at them for being able to eat what I can't.  This is a choice I've made for myself, and I'll have my cheat meal when we go to Vegas. But c'mon.

Why are so many people AGAINST people like me that are trying to get healthy? I know I'm fat.  I know  I can't run.  My mile and a quarter WALK that I do a couple times a week isn't a RUN, but one day it'll turn into a WOG... Then one day a JOG.  Then, maybe I'll run.  I bitch about watching what I eat and having to work out, but then I also like to toot my horn (to my supporter) when I hit my daily goals too. Why do people NOT support? Sometimes, all that you need is someone to say "you've got this" or "get out of bed" or even ask "What can I do to help". SOMETHING.  But NEVER, EVER tell that person that what they're doing isn't good.  OR it's a bad choice. (unless of course, it's anorexia or something like bad that)

Basically, from now on... people like that can just keep your mouth shut.  You've brought this 11.6# loser to tears today because I don't think I can do it anymore.  Because after that, I don't WANT to do it anymore.  Because I've turned BACK to food for comfort.

I know I make my own way and I can't rely on anyone else to make me do it.  To make me feel like doing it. But right now, I don't want to. I don't want to make my way.

4 comments:

  1. Oh man, that sucks!
    If it helps, even a teensy, tiny bit, you've got a great online community supporting you every step of the way.
    There will always be people who don't want you to change, because change is hard for them to handle.
    YOU CAN DO IT!

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  2. I'm so sorry you had to have your bubble busted. I know how you feel. My husband loves me, but he doesn't get it and doesn't give me the support I need. He offers me ice cream to be nice, but when I say no, he won't take it at face value. I ended up joining a weight loss support group (TOPS - go check out their website) for support. There I am around like minded people who support and encourage me for any loss and help me get back on track for any gain. I would love for my husband to ask me how I made out when I come home on Tuesday, but he doesn't. I would love him to sound really excited for me when I lose a pound, but he doesn't.
    I know how you feel, but know I am proud of you and am here to root you on!

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  3. I am so sorry that people were not supportive! Weight loss is the hardest thing and without support, it is nearly impossible. I was just posting about this on MFP today--I am an analyst for a law enforcement agency, so the majority of my coworkers are in very good shape, yet I get ridiculed for eating raw vegetables for snacks and teased about not eating whatever candy or baked good is on the conference room table. I try to make a joke out of it, but it really hurts. Like I think about eating my snacks in the stairwell or lunch in my car. If I didn't have my family behind me, I would probably give up.
    If you think following Dr Oz's plan will help you and you want to save your cheat meal for Vegas (that's a good plan, if you ask me), I say go for it! They don't have to live in your body or eat your food!

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  4. You know what? Those people can go sit in mud! Just like you said, you DON'T NEED that kind of negative energy in your life! Haven't they heard the old saying "If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all!" ???

    I absolutely LOVE reading your blogs, and this one hit very close to home, except not. My husband offers me ZERO response to anything. I know I'm smaller. I know I've lost a significant amount. But he doesn't see it or acknowledge it. I think I'd rather have that than him to see me grab a handful of chips one night and say "Aren't you ruining your diet?" or even something more harmful.

    I've only been following your blog briefly, but I know you are stronger than you think. You are a beautiful woman, and don't let anyone try and tell you different! You know who you are, and that's what's important! So, keep the focus, and don't let your emotions dictate what you put in your body, you'll only regret it and hate yourself -- and the negative Nellys-- more later!

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